It's that time again! I've reached my limit for bigotry and intolerance, and you know what that means; time to rant! If you have delicate sensibilities or you're one of those folks who's easily offended, you're better off reading someone else's journal. Just fair warning.

Okay, I've been getting a lot of flack lately from family members, co-workers, and various other people about having kids. "When are you having kids?" or "You're getting older now, isn't it time to start a family?", "You've been married almost 4 years and STILL no children? What's wrong?", "It's so sad you won't have children, you won't ever know true happiness!" or even better "You'd better hurry up, your biological clock is ticking! Tick tick tick!" "You're going to deprive your parents of more grandchildren? You're terrible!"  It makes me start contemplating 2x4's with nails in them, or I start overlaying Grunt Birthday Party over the offender's head. It's getting to the point where I want to make a frequent harassment card and see if I can trade it in for points when it's full. I'd have bobble heads and gift cards out the ass by now.


Right, so let me explain. I must have sniffed glue or something as a kid and burned out the synapses that control maternal instincts, because I really don't have them. At all. Or, I don't have them for human children. Honest to god, I think baby crocodiles are a fuckload cuter than a baby human. Non-human creatures melt my heart. But if I see an infant in the grocery store and people are cooing over it? I feel nothing. I go the other way. I've tried looking and holding them to see what all the fuss is about. My brother even recently had a baby, so I've gotten a lot of up-close experience with them. But when I see a baby, I don't feel all gooey and maternal. Honestly? I feel like leaving the room. Especially when they start screaming (seriously, why do other animals chirp or squeak when they want something, and human infants sound like a cat being put through a blender?).  I'd make a horrible parent, because the minute I hear a kid crying my first thought is "get the sledge hammer". So, yeah, me and parenting? Not good.

I find it to be pretty environmentally irresponsible too, considering the planet is already seriously overwhelmed with humans. Isn't it rather selfish to procreate when we're already straining our limited resources to deal with the current level of mofos running around? I think so, anyway. We don't need any more people on this planet.

I'm also horribly, horribly squicked out at the idea of giving birth. Like, have to leave the room because I start feeling sick and nearly have a panic attack. Those movies where you watch the woman go through labor? I can't handle it.  See, I have this thing about parasites, and a fetus is way, way, WAY too close for my comfort. It's living off someone else's body, and that's enough to make me freak out. I have nightmares about getting pregnant; wake up in a cold sweat, screaming, and need a cup of chamomile tea to get back to sleep nightmares.  Pregnancy scares the ever-loving fuck out of me, and I never, never, NEVER want to go through it. EVER.  

So, no babies for Jen.  I'll have fur babies and have done. My husband feels the same way. We just don't have it in us to be parents. We'll be an aunt and uncle and that's as close as we'll ever get. We're quite happy with our four-legged children and each other. My biological clock came without batteries, and I'm not feeling any ticking at all.

But I respect that I'm not the same as everyone else. You want kids? Fine. That's your choice. It's your life. Enjoy! I have my reservations about it, but it isn't my place to say otherwise. You think it's sad that not everyone wants kids because you find it so fulfilling and wonderful? Okay, I get where you're coming from, but that's kinda close-minded. But you're still okay. Your heart's kinda in the right place, and your pity is a little condescending, but I can deal. But you self-righteous trolls who insist on telling people what to do with their lives because you Know What's Best? Fuck. You. With a spiked broom handle. Your raging asshattery is why they invented lobotomies.

Seriously, the minute I say "I don't think kids are for me" someone's head will pop out from under the nearest rock and start lecturing me on how I'm being selfish, or I'll regret it when I'm old and dying, or it's against god/Jesus/nature to not have kids, or whatever the fuck. WAT? When did my reproductive status become your business? Why do you give a crap whether I use my uterus? Aren't there bigger things you should be worrying about? Like, making a living, or global warming, or even whether you've paid your fucking power bill this month? Hell, what brand of peanut butter to buy at the grocery store! Anything?! Are people that bored that they have to shove their faces in my ovaries to make sure I'm using them the way they want me to? What the fuck?! Why do you CARE?! I don't understand.

And I love the ridiculous, intolerant arguments people make too:

Argument 1: "You have to have kids! It's against [Deity of Choice] to not have children!"
Okay, so let's get one thing straight. I don't follow your religion. So why the hell should I follow what you're saying your god wants me to do? My deity gave me free will, logic to make decisions, and a strong moral code. I intend to use these gifts. Isn't that why I was given them? My decision does zero harm, so I fail to see how it's wrong or bad or evil or kicking puppies or whatever.  In fact, there's a lot my choice does to protect that very deity's planet, and can be considered pretty morally upstanding from some points of view. So I don't see the problem. I have no patience for a religions that tell me I was given free will, etc, and then I'm told I can't use it or I'll burn in the underworld. It's like pulling a knife on someone and saying, "You can do XYZ or I'll stab you. See? Free choice!" HUH?! That's not something a benevolent deity would do. That's a 5-year-old fucking with an ant farm and a magnifying glass. Your argument is crap. So you can turn it sideways and cram it up your candy ass. *people's eyebrow*

Argument 2:  "You're a biologist! The purpose of everything is to pass on your genes and to reproduce, keeping the species going."
Please, please tell me how my having one or even two children will make even the tiniest dent in the current human gene pool? Please? I'd really love to know the answer to that. Over six BILLION motherfuckers on the planet, and I'm going to be seriously contributing to the human genome? Bahahahahaha!  I'd have to live about 25 lifetimes and have hundreds of children just to even get into the lower decimal places of making a difference. Also, the point of reproduction is, yes, to keep the species going. But have you looked around lately? Humans hardly need my help to make sure we don't die off! What planet are you living on where humans are struggling to avoid extinction?! Did I miss a meteor strike or a zombie invasion somewhere? There are TOO MANY of us! We have absolutely ZERO need to worry about dying off from lack of reproduction. We're way, way, WAY over our normal carrying capacity as it is. We may very well kill ourselves off in other ways, but my reproducing certainly doesn't help current or future populations. So, no, your argument sucks too.

Argument 3: "But you're an intelligent woman! You have good morals! You have to have children so that the intolerant people/brown people/XYZ-religion people/rednecks/stupid people aren't the only ones reproducing!"
God I fucking hate this argument.  Bigotry much, first of all? Secondly, ever heard of Tragedy of the Commons? Go look it up (Here, I'll even Wiki you [link]).  So, what you're saying is that you don't like it that some other subset of humans is growing in population, and we have to OUT BREED THEM?! Are you fucking insane?! Since when did having children turn into a sociological arms race?! How is my popping out a kid or two going to make Billy-Bob Asshat less of an intolerant fuckhead? Is my reproducing going to stop all the people in third world countries from boinking like bunnies and gobbling "your" resources? Me having a kid isn't going to stop Mrs. Duggar from having 11 more. And what am I supposed to tell my kid when he gets older? "Well, Junior, we really weren't feeling the kids thing, but then Crazy Grandma Batshit said we had to, to keep the rednecks from winning! Isn't that great?" What the fuck?! No, the answer to all of this is education and shifting resources. Too many people having kids? Teach them how to avoid unintentional pregnancies, and help them get the means to do so. Too many stupid people? Get them the fuck an education. Intolerance? Learning tolerance will solve it. Not kids. None of the issues in your argument are solved by the idiocy of "out breeding" some other group. We need to learn tolerance and moderation. And if you're using Argument 3, you need to be first in line to get some more knowledge into your empty skull.

There's no reason why I should have kids other than my wanting them. And I really don't. And, really, does the world need more unwanted, unloved children? Isn't it better to have people not have children if they aren't sure about it? What kind of life do you expect to give a child if you're only having it because you think you're supposed to? Think about that for a little bit.  Do you want to tell your own child someday that they should have kids even if they don't think they want them because that's what you did? Is that fair?  Is that right?

In the end, I'm going to do what makes me happy, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me. I'm not hurting anyone, it's my body, it's my business. You get to do the same for yourself. The only reason anyone is afraid of my choice not to have kids is because it challenges the norm, religion, dogma, etc. Or maybe it makes them feel a twinge of jealousy because they didn't have the guts to go against stupid arguments themselves. Regardless, it's none of their business, and they need to shut the fuck up. Differences can be interesting instead of just threatening, you know. Respect and tolerance makes the world a lot more pleasant. So let's just put down the picket signs and work on getting something actually useful accomplished, shall we? Please? Because this kind of bigoted shit is getting really tiresome.